How I Do It (Or Don't)

My friend Laura recently asked the age-old question of how moms can do it all. You know, cook, clean, change diapers, feed the kids, have time with friends, dote on your spouse, join the PTA, coach your kid's soccer team and generally save the world. I don't claim to be a supermom by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, I feel that I'm constantly in awe of most other moms I know (and some I don't!). However, I like to think I have gleaned some wisdom from other moms who have been doing this for much longer than me. I figured instead of just answering her post with a comment, I could write a post with the bit of information I've learned along the way.

In no particular order, here goes:

1. For the love, don't compare yourself! You only see a part of other peoples' homes and lives, and you never know what someone else's crosses are. Maybe you don't understand why your baby isn't walking yet (or insert your own developmental milestone here) as fast as that one mom-you-kind-of-knew-in-college-so-now-you're-facebook-friends-but-you-don't-talk-in-real-life's kid, and every time you hear read about it you wonder why on earth your baby isn't keeping up. Whenever similar thoughts cross my mind (so I have a couple of flaws), I always try to remember that no kid (or mom) is perfect. Maybe that kid who was walking at like, 6 months, still is waking every 4 hours at night and his mom is at her wits' end with trying to function on so little sleep for so long. You never know.

2. Make lists. This works for me. Every day, I make a list of everything I want to accomplish that day. My tasks are sometimes trivial (sometimes showering is worth adding to the list). I love the sense of accomplishment when I get to cross items off the list. Hey, it's the little things. The only trick is to set realistic goals for yourself. At the end of the day, you want to be able to enjoy all the things you got done instead of thinking about how many things are left. They'll still be there tomorrow.

3. Multitask. Throw in a load of laundry, then go do something else like clean the bathroom. Wipe off the counters while you're waiting for your coffee to heat up in the microwave because you're like me and didn't drink it quickly enough while it was hot.

4. Try to tackle different things on different days. Instead of having one cleaning day a week, I try and do one bigger thing every day.

5. Prioritize. Some tasks don't get much worse if you leave them (like dusting) and some really add up (laundry or dishes). And as long as you have food on the table and clean clothes to wear, just don't worry about the little things. Your kids (and husband) will remember that you were cheerful, happy, and played with them rather than stressing out about dusting the guest room shades. I promise they don't care. Mine don't, anyway. =)

6. Pray, pray, pray. If you don't have time or forget morning prayers, say them in the afternoon. Or when you're falling asleep at night. My mom taught me to keep a rosary under my pillow to pray to help me fall asleep. When you're tired and overwhelmed, offer that as a prayer. Thank God that you have a home to clean, clothes to wash, food to prepare and a family to feed- there are so many who would give so much for those things! I really believe that those times can be as powerful as any other prayers. God designed motherhood, He understands that life is crazy during this phase (and any foreseeable ones for the next couple of decades...). Just do the best you can and frequent the sacraments as much as possible.

7. Try to go on a date with your husband at least a couple of times a month. Try really, really hard. Do something you haven't done before. Google some date ideas if you have to. (I won't judge.) Get out for some fun when you can. When you can't, pick a movie and pop some popcorn after the kids' bedtime. Oh, and don't forget the wine.

8. Take some time to yourself. Shower everyday. Treat yourself to a mani/pedi every so often. Eat some good chocolate. Go grocery shopping by yourself. Exercise. Lock yourself in the bathroom for five minutes. Whatever it takes. It's like that saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I've realized that putting on makeup and doing anything more than letting my hair air dry does wonders for my mood and changes the tone for my day, which then affects my family.

9.  Don't worry about being perfect. Newsflash: you're not. There will be days that you have frozen pizza or takeout for dinner and you feel like the only thing you did all day was feed and change whiny children. That is perfectly okay. It just makes the good days that much more enjoyable. Besides, it's just another opportunity to offer it up. (Don't you hate when people say that to you? Not the concept, of course, just the phrase.)

Maybe you knew all of this already, maybe I was able to help you in some small way. I only hope to follow the example of what so many have done for me and to pass along the wisdom (if you found any, that is). We're all in this together, so let's support each other!